Where am I?

Where am I?

Good question.

It is easy to explain away August--the renovations of our house that had us living out of suitcases in other people's homes when we weren't out camping in the rain in our tents...

So too September--the start up of the school year, hitting the ground running, attending and presenting workshops--and, of course, the renovations still incomplete...

But now it is mid-October. I have done almost no writing. The stresses of my job are weighing more heavily than they ever have in my 21 year career. I feel unbalanced. I have lost perspective. I am going to be 50 and I don't know what to do when I grow up.

Wrestling with the concept of being called, I thought: okay, I'll enter discernment. After all, that's a process that will help me to know what I am to do.
And at that, a great dead silence.

I said, sure, God, okay...and there was nothing.

All through September...nothing. So that is not my path--unless I am meant always and only to hear the 'no's', and never the great grand 'yes!es'.

So here I am, which is I don't know where.

Waiting. Listening. Learning to let go.